Elementary Matters, Dear
Joginder Singh ji,
Former Director – CBI
When we say something, which offends others, and we realise, that it is a mistake, it is best to offer regrets. This is one way, to keep the stress at bay. Not offering apologies, when it is called for, can be stressful.
We should learn from our mistakes and out grow from them. This is one way, to be responsible for our life and work and move on. The real problem is our ego, which comes in between, us and the admission of our mistakes. Living with a belief, that one is infallible, and will not make a mistake, is to live under an illusion.
It is also passing up the opportunity, to learn from our mistakes, instead, of later on, berating ourselves, over them. Constant evaluation of our mistakes and possible wrong steps, is the only way to learn, as well as avoid them, in the future .
List the situations of which you are afraid of and imagine the worst that can happen. Imagine you are being bullied by some body. What is the worst that can happen, if you stand up ? Either the bully will back down or you would have a confrontation with him.
There are little chances of any bully aggravating the situation, because the bullies are generally used to having their ways. Or if you ask, for a raise in your job, have no apprehension, that you would be sacked, though you may be afraid, that it might happen. If you do not reveal your intentions, as to, what you expect from others, how will they know it.
It is more painful, to have fear of something everyday, than not acting and feeling frustrated daily. You have to burn bridges behind you and take action. The only way to overcome any fear is first to spot it. Face it headlong rather than spend any energy in avoiding it.
You can overcome any fear by repeatedly doing precisely, the thing, which makes you fearful. Most of us, from childhood have been exposed to the idea, that asking for help or assistance is not good and shows ourselves in a poor light.
This conditioning is generally carried on, to our adult lives. If you still feel doubtful, ask yourself, as to for what purpose, you are making any request. If you go to the root of the problem, you would find the answers. Your asking for help should not be a one way traffic. When you are requested for help, or when you have an opportunity, you must return the favour , not only to those, who have done something for you, but also to others..
The ultimate aim of our life is to attain our goals and reach our targets. Our endeavour should be to win and not merely to try. We either succeed or do not succeed. There is nothing in between, whatever some people may say.
You should not say that you ‘tried’. It only shows a defeatist attitude. If you start something, keep on it, till you have attained. You may not realise, as to what you may not get, by not trying. The idea is, to set your target and keep on trying, till you reach it.
It is a part of life to run into walls and obstacles. It will be fool hardy to go and bang into the walls, while trying to reach your goal. You must either to go around or over it.
We should not be averse to taking help, though many people are reluctant to ask for it. We fail only when we quit. But only we can make, this decision and nobody can do it for us.
You should not accept any excuse from yourself to yourself, as an alternative or a justification for not succeeding success. No miracle is going to get you out of any problem. You are the miracle, as well as a miracle maker. Whatever be your situation, always keep on, telling yourself, that you can do it.
No body can have perfect conditions at all the time, whether it is the family or health or relations front. If you are, given a responsibility, to perform a particular work or complete a particular job, do not start, with a pre conceived notion,, that it is not going to work.
Do not look upon the responsibility entrusted to you as a burden. If you cannot be positive, all the time, the least, that you can do is to stop spreading negativity. Do not be judgemental by saying that “it won’t work”, unless you have given it, your best try and looked at the alternative solutions. Even then any set back is temporary and there is nothing permanent about the failure. Remember that if you cannot contribute, do not come in the way of those, who would like to contribute. If you want to control your destiny and your future, you must, above all, shed negative attitude. Relate your action goals to your life goals. This is the only way, you can empower yourself. You must be passionately committed to your life goals, and if you are working for somebody else or an organisation, their goals should be your goals. This way, you can add value to yourself and make yourself indispensable. Of all of the forces that make for a better world, none is so indispensable, none so powerful as hope. So long as you do not give hope, be sure that anything is possible
Smile, for everyone lacks self-confidence and more than any other one thing a smile reassures them.