CEO: C_cube Consultants
Anger is part of our life. I have seen many people who are always calm, cool and composed. You may also know many. I hope you are also one of them. I assure you that I am one of those guys who never loses temper. No, the word ‘never’ may be an exaggeration. Let me say that I do become angry very rarely. I show my anger for a very short duration and then I am back to normal.
There are times when the other person drives you to the wall to such an extent that despite your best efforts, despite your yogic powers, despite your regular dose of meditation, anger does explode. So I repeat that anger is a part of life. There are times the coolest people also become angry. The important thing is that we should find a way to diffuse such unpleasant situations in the future and manage our anger as well as take steps to take the wind off from the bloated anger of the person on the other side. Anger has led to crumbling of families.
This is controlled anger. This is anger management. And after having a show of your anger for a few minutes or seconds, you got to become your original cool, calm and composed self when you deal with someone else over a phone call or with some other guest waiting for you in the conference room.
There are times when two managers of the same level lose their calm over some subject of mutual interest or conflict in the company. If one of them is calm and one is angry, it is manageable but when both of them lose their temper, situation can become explosive. Once you are engulfed with anger, you cannot separate your emotions from the discussion, and that prevents the two parties to resolve their differences in a manner that is satisfactory to both sides. In such cases, if one takes the courage and shows maturity to remain calm and collected, she/he is more likely to help the other person calm down as well. And once both of you are calm, a reasonable discussion can resume. If you find, that things are getting worse, it may be worth to have a coffee break.
There are some people at home or at office who are habitually irritating and keep shouting all the time. They seem to have pent up feelings and are full of anger. How do you handle them? Simply ignore them. Just let them get it all out until they can calm themselves down. Hear from one ear and let it get out from the other.
In a conflict, when you try to explain something to the other party, they get into fighting mode. This becomes more serious when through your explanation, you try to prove them wrong. Here instead of preaching to the other party, seek their advice. Never accuse the other party. Construct your statements to focus on the problem rather on the individuals having a different point of view. Both the parties should be working on the resolution of the problem, rather than shouting on each other. Avoid one up man ship syndrome in such discussions.
In order to have a long lasting relationship with the other difficult individual, let him or her have the last word once you’ve reached an understanding after a lot of hectic and hot parleys. The idea is to avoid rekindling of flames of anger and accusations. Your goal is to end the conflict and to reach an agreement and not to prove that you are the victor and the other party is a loser. Keep your cool and ignore the little things. While you concentrate on your achievement, let the other party celebrate their victory. This may help some usually angry person to give up his or her anger gradually. At least you will become expert to some extent in managing such habitual angry people.
“Krodhat bhavati Sammoha, … Sammohat Smriti Vibhramah, Smriti bhransat budhinasho Budhinashat Pranashyati” (Geeta ,Chap.II- Sankya Yoga, Verse: 63).
Which means- From anger comes delusion – delusion in turn leads to loss of memory – loss of memory leads to loss of reason (error in judgment) And ultimately loss of reason (lack of discrimination) ruins a person.
Don’t let a minor anger to manifest into a monster into your mind. Check it in the initial stages itself. If you get a feeling of anger popping its head in some corner of your mind, just have a glass of water sip by sip, get into ‘Mouna’ (silence). Count from One to Ten or chant ‘Aum’ or any other God’s name you believe in your heart and that will silence the monster of anger that was trying to raise its head.
And going by how tech savvy the world is today, it wouldn’t really be a bad idea to have a funny video handy on your mobile that you relish most. Nothing like a good old joke or video to calm you down and cheer you up at the click of a button!!!
“It’s the easiest thing in the world to be kind to someone, to show love, to forgive. You are born with this instinct – it should be your first reaction. NOT violence, anger and hatred! That is something we are taught, it’s a Choice You Make.” ― Michelle Horst, Wake Me Up