Mantra for happy marraige life is’ Live and let live.’

Marriage is such a threatened institution today. Have we asked ourselves this question as to who is responsible for creating this paronia?

Little do we understand, that when two people get married and have to spend 24x7x365 , they need time to understand and know each other. Before they even get to know each other, we pour acid in their relationship by not only begining to judge and passing on the judgement but also tarnishing their image to make yourself look whiter. The daughter in law is always Ms. Wrong . How can the daughter in law enjoy anything that we ourselves might have not enjoyed?

Initially I was terribly confused, worried, upset and depressed about this riddle. I didn’t have anyone to go back to and ask questions and get answers. But, I am extremely thankful to God to having met the right people who guided me through my rough patches and taught me dealing. There were multiple psychological factors at play.

I also have to thank my DNA which helped me think logically and understand the complexities of marriage. We coax our children to get married, but do we assist them cope with the huge emotional, financial and other stress which rightly are ‘ Shadi ke side effects?’ No, we only pour more oil in troubled waters. We are ready to take on sides without realising what we are up to.

Is the whole family enitrely “ Marriage Ready?” Marriage is not only between two individuals but also between two families with different background, influences, upbringing and priorities. Some marriages are arranged and some are daring enough to fall in love. But in both cases there are surprises galore about the other family and spouse to be unearthed! Individual psychology is one thing and group psychology quite another. Am I making it sound scary and complex?

Each one wants to show he/ she is in control. Ego reins high. No one wants to let go. There is no acceptance of the person whom we have brought into the family. We seek perfection when we ourselves are not perfect. We set bench marks for others which we ourselves can’t reach. We set different rules for the daughter and the daughter in law. The numerous social masks we wear takes us further away from whom we truly are. And the end result????

Frustration, depression, jealousy, behavioral disorders et al. Do we bargain for all this in the name of marriage after spending lakhs of hard earned money for the daughter or son’s marriage . The son and daughter are both dear to their own parents. So why the non acceptance of the daughter in law? Why the gross gender bias even in the so called educated families?

We all need to evolve as individuals, families, communities, society etc to bring about changes in the world. Unless we stop playing games with each other, peace is always going to be elusive. Sometime or the other the game has to end!

The simple mantra is’ Live and let live.’

‘‘Let us do unto others what we would like to be done unto us.’’