Some Misplaced Beliefs

R.D. Bhardwaj “Noorpuri”
A man boards a flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles down after placing his belongings / goods etc. at the right place, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the aeroplane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. As she takes steps proceeding quite confidently, the man is quite excited to see that she really takes the seat just next to his. Eager to strike up a conversation with the beautiful young woman, he asks – “Business trip or vacation?” She turns, gives a brief smile, and replies, “Neither business, nor vacations, rather it is an official tour, as I am going Mumbai to attend the Annual Sexologists’ Conference being organised there.”

He still finds it difficult to believe that a young woman is really going to attend such a convention, which is practically still a taboo in context to the majority of the Indian society. However, lost in his own thoughts, he says to himself – Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, and sitting just next to him, and she is a sexologist! Struggling hard to contain his excitement & enthusiasm and maintain his composure, he calmly puts a query to her, “By the way, what is your official role in this conference?”

“You see ! I am a Professor,” she says, “I use my knowledge and experiences to debunk or offset some of the popular beliefs and myths about sexuality going about in the minds of most of the people.” The man is again a bit more surprised, a bit bamboozled as well, and his curiosity goes on increasing.

“Really?” he says, finding it difficult to digest the version of the young lady that she is a lecturer and that too, on Sexuality, which is really very rare looking through the prism of Indian culture and traditions. And he shoots one more question to her, “By the way! Would you like to explain as to what are those myths or beliefs?” “Well,” she starts explaining, “One of the most popular belief is that African men are the best endowed with manly power, vigour and energy and art while performing in bed-rooms, whereas, in the fact is that , it is the Tamilians who are most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas – actually it is our own Indian Bengalis, as you may realise yourself after reading our rich Bengali literature. However, you may be all the more perplexed to note that – our own research proves that the best potential lovers in all these categories are the Punjabis, particularly, Sardars.

You may be aware that all ancient lovers find a respectable place in our epic Love Stories, which lakhs of people (all over the Asian countries) just cherish to read – were all Punjabis, whether they belonged to today’s Punjab with India or pre-independence and from undivided Punjab, – for example – Heer-Ranjha, Sassi-Punnu, Mirza-Sahiban, Sohni-Mahiwal, Sheeri-Farihaad, Laila-Majnu, and Keema-Malki etc. etc……!! And entire their conversations of the main protagonists of all these love stories – were all steeped in love and romance – in the same manner as the monsoon winds are laden with dark clouds – ready to shower the much desired relief in the from of rainfall ! Perhaps, you may be aware that they were all Punjabis, and it may be due to some hidden traits of the water and soil of Punjab that they were made like true lovers …… the fragrance of love really blossoms and flourishes awefully and replenishes beautifully on the soils of Punjab …….. that is the real virtue of the Punjabis, which needs to be imbibed by most of the people in case they really want to learn the art of love & romance and live in long lasting peace and harmony…….”

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little bit conscious & uncomfortable and blushes and adjusts herself back to the seat and then, she suddenly also puts a break on her conversation and says, “I am sorry,” she says, I should not be discussing all these things with you, as after all, I don’t even know your name?”

To this, the man calmly but confidently replied, “My dear co-passenger ! I am Venkatraman, and my full name is Venkatraman Mukherjee ! But let me also apprise you that all my friends, dears and nears who know me well, prefer to call me Joginder Singh !!” And then, looking straight into her eyes, he said, “And now, it is upto you as to by what name, you may like to call or address me ……… My ears will just love to listen your sweet and melodious voice……..”

The strange and unique introduction of the man made the lady Professor flabbergasted. She looked at him astonishingly as she was stunned, flummoxed, swept away, surprised, rendered speechless, dumbfound, amazed, astounded and shocked ……… all rolled into one. She swirled her wide open eyes-balls at him, as no other man had ever introduced himself like her current co-passenger had done, just a short while ago. And she continued looking at him from head to toe as to realise and make an assessment – with what type of man she is travelling right now. Then suddenly, as she seemed to have recovered from her trance, she coyly, makes her hand move and on finding that her neighbour’s hand is resting on the arm of his seat, she slowly spreads her hand on his hand, and reacts – “I am pleased to meet you ! But, I would also like to delve a little bit deeper into the realms of your personality after my convention is over………. By the way, what do you do?” And the man replied, “My dear fair lady ! I am a writer and I write in two / three languages …… as the time and situation may demand.” And on hearing this, the lady Prof. retorted back, rather eagerly, “Oh ! I see ! I find that you are a fit case for me to study properly, to unfold the mysterious layers of your personality, and I will certainly love to do that after I return back to Delhi, you just give me your contact details. Of course, I would also like to know your real name, as I feel that the name by which you have introduced yourself, may be only your pen-name and certainly not the real one !!”